e.e. cummings

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

It's so easy to say, but what does it mean to "believe in ourselves," anyway? I believe I exist. I believe I mean well...but...

I am reminded of how other people will mock you if you show wonder or delight. There's a vulnerability in spontaneous reactions, and we learn to stifle the appearance of simple joy. And since feeling something is directly and reciprocally connected to showing something, we purposefully stifle our ability to feel simple joy, and all those other wonderful things, because they are "child-like." They show a strange and unfair social weakness others cannot seem to resist. To coo over something new and wonderful is the same as crying at a movie -- others are "allowed" somehow to put you down for it.

So it that all there is (to a fire)? "Believe in ourselves" means "not care if others make fun of us"? If so, I'm not sure I'm going to get there anytime soon.

Butterflies

Once Zhuang Zhou dreamed he was a fluttering butterfly. What fun he had, doing as he pleased! He did not know he was Zhou. Suddenly, he woke up and found himself to be Zhou. He did not know whether Zhou had dreamed he was a butterfly, or a butterfly had dreamed he was Zhou. Between Zhou and the butterfly there must be some distinction. This is what is meant by the transformation of things.

It started with deciding to organize my stash...

But, eventually...

Whew!

Oh dear, Ravelry is here...

Well, after getting a new gig and dealing with family stuff, I've been letting my extra curricular (i.e., non-paying) online stuff just sit there...lonely and sad. :-( No new HFs in weeks, and no new blog stuff, even though I have been knitting up a storm. (Not so much with the meditating, though. Bad Julia.)

Anyways, I'm getting completely sucked in by a site that's just made for anal-reten....uh, organized knitters like me. Ravelry! This site is insane! I've already used the chart to note my needles and now I'm entering in project and stash info. And look at all the little discussion groups! Seriously, they may find me a few days from now, cobweb-strewn and dusty, my glazed eyes staring at the computer while I read about people around the world working on the same patterns I am.